Good day.Please share the key things you have learnt from expensive training courses you have attended. Please summarise in bullet point format.Thank you.

- People don't read bullet points

- How to sleep with the lights on

- How to lie with a straight face

How to create a 100 slide deck and nobody ends up reading it.

That a career as a trainer may see me through to retirement once people finally realise how rubbish a management consultant I am

how to smile at and encourage people who have no ability to pay attention for more than 5 minutes and how if they behaved like that in a client meeting would be shown the door pretty damn quick.how to send out 'reminders' of what was covered on the course to peopleactually have an idea of what the point of it waswhere not to order sandwiches from and that no one ever eats the egg oneshow it's always a good idea to get a director or partner on a course as it';s entertaining watching all other delegates fawn for a weekto smile ruefully when i know that the people i've trained will not use what i've taught them and at some popint screw up hugely because of that

and not to go on facebook when your laptop is attached to the projector

Never, ever fart in a lift on your own. No matter how tempting, when the doors open, there's only one possible culprit......

Initially bend over when you're asked, then ask others to bend over

......and.!

I've learnt that instead of a £2000+VAT course, I learn better by buying a £65 study book from Amazon!I find I absorb information quicker by reading as opposed to having somebody talk at you.Depends on the subject and trainer though.Jimmiewww.itbodies.co.uk

"Never, ever fart in a lift on your own. No matter how tempting, when the doors open, there's only one possible culprit......"It's good advice, but at which expensive traing course did you learn that!!

don't f'ck up

never take advice from a consultant who has neve worked outside consulting

That there is nowhere decent to get lunch in Woking.

Thali Thali on the Chertsey Rd (by KFC) is a decent curry house.

I thought amusing posts on this site were dead......how wrong I was. You just need to ask the right question!

If you try really hard, you can fit nearly 500 words on a single powerpoint slide. This ensures that course participants get the maximum amount of information from your presentation.

To get more than 500 words on a single slide:-Reduce font size-Move the project away from the screeen to make it look bigger-Overlay animated boxes£2000+VAT please.

Don't share your desktop with a redtube window open