It's a long post and will probably be ignored by most readers - but I'm looking to see if there is a way out - not kindred spirits exactly, more I was there and did this.I've worked in consultancy for the last 3 years working for a small niche firm that is well know in the business, specialising in technology and technological strategy. I've written biometric strategies for Governments & FTSE 100 financial companies and helped design, spec, test and created strategies the new breed of credit cards that use RFID. Plus many more projects. I have a PhD.BUT - I have a problem, the pay is ok, the hours are ok, my colleagues are ok and I'm bored and annoyed. I have friends who throughout uni had no plans for life and coasted their way through, left and bummed around for a while living on benefits and snowboarding when they could. Six of my social group of 8 are now extremely well off. One bought a council house through right to buy and moved in with his parents - the rest is history as he has a property portfolio with in-excess of 2million and enough in the bank to retire already, the 2nd set up a web design company using a masters study grant, never went into uni, never completed the course (or payed back teh money) and now has a company about to float on the ftse. The third rather bizarrely is a pop/rock star whom you'll all know of and buy her records. The fourth was given a business to run by her father and is now retired AND the 5th won the flaming lottery. The sixth is now a snowboard instructor in aspen and makes twice the money I do through tips alone. I'm just so disillusioned with life, I read my girlfriends cosmo magazine and the thing is full of similar stories "I fell over one day and was thought and anti-falling device would be useful so I made one using my friends money and now I'm retired!". My friends, inc those above, and my tutors acknowledge me as the hardest working person they know, I'm loyal and intelligent. I've been turned down by a huge amount of companies (never having been invited for an interview)- even after a professional CV was written (my money was returned and they "could not explain the reason"). I'M LOOKING FOR MY CHALLENGE AND BREAK, I'LL DO ANYTHING FROM UNDERWATER LUMBER JACKING (SEE FORBES.COM) TO OFFICE WORK.any advice, thoughts - no doubt grievances - this is not a bitch post but just some back ground so show why I feel how I feel.Pete

just been asked to clarify what "ok money" is: read 24.5K

I don't know what to say. Same feeling here.

Pete, dont worry. Everbody measures success differently and you seem to measure it in a comparative fashion. You dont complain about your work or colleagues but it seems your feelings border on jealousy. I was always told by my dad that the smartest and hardworking person in any class would rarely be the most successful (dependednt on how one measures success I guess)let alone rich. Everyone has different attributes, its utlizing these attributes that makes one a success. Academia is not everything! If you look closely at what your close friends did, they were either lucky, had a unique family circumstance, or in the case of the snowboard teacher, followed his passion. Have you thought that although they may be getting paid more than you, they are not as emotionally or socially as satisied as you. Anyway, cheer up my friend, if you want it bad enough, and your prepared to work hard enough, you will be successful. Do what you love with a passion and success will follow. All the best

thanks for the response B. I am a little jealous, enviuos maybe a better word but I don't rsent them; I spent a lot of time working really hard and sacrificing going out on the lash to pass exams and it just seems to futile now. The advice you give is good; follow you passion hard and success will come. I spent so long denying my passions to pass exams and work to earn money to survive in uni I lost all my passions and now feel like I'm burnt out. I'd leave and go snowboarding a shot BUT, I have a mortgage with my gf and such a major change now and such a major change will need "something". I do measure success in monetary terms, my parents had nohing after working hard, and I mean really hard, 5am-7pm 24/7 for over 50 years. They now have no pension and survive on part-time work - whilst again their peers have benefits from the government. Hope it works out for you B.

I know you just need someone to tell you that your opportunity will come one day, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to tell you to stop bitching, stop comparing your life to others and do something about it. So companies have turned you down. Big whoop. It happens to a lot of intelligent people. I understand that it may have dented your ego a bit, but you have more than enough grey matter, judging by the biometric strategies you've developed and your PhD, to go it alone. You have something to offer that someone else is using to make themselves rich. Very clever of them. Now the question you need to ask yourself is this, am I going to let other people's success dictate the way I feel about myself (imature and very unatractive), or am I going to use my God-given talent and ability and do something about it? Very few people have success handed to them on a silver platter. The majority of us have worked hard and realised that we're not going to get anywhere by complaining. I understand you probably want to vent a little, but I suspect that at the moment you're letting your unhappiness in your job dictate everything about your life. I know because I was in the same boat, just like probably 90% of people on this site. I decided to not let it dictate how I felt about myself, and I started networking with the right people, and now at 29 years old I'm the Managing Director of a very successful niche firm working with government on some of the most interesting initiatives that are recognised by the UN as international best practice. I don't even have an MBA. And I didn't apply for the job out of an advert. One of the people I networked with approached me and asked me to consider applying for it. So go ahead, network like crazy and build you personal credibility with others.

Thanks for the reply ratpack. I fairly sure I'm not egotistic but willing to admit that my feelings started to dictate my life there for a minute - but this post is part of my strategy to remove that direction. Networking is something I have to improve, but having spurned pubs for study at uni I've never been able to start coversasions with strangers or move into an existing converation - I've not a social leper - I worked behind a bar and inreatil throughout uni - but their situations where people want to talk to you. Any advice other than do it? - I'm 29 myself btw.

Same feelings as you. Doing exactly the same.

Hey Pete, I moved from law to diplomacy to consultancy in pursuit of a stress free life where I could be who I want to be rather than who I am supposed to be. I dont have all the toys, neither, at age 50, the income I had at 30....My goal is to evolve to my fullest potential...the sweetness of encountering like minds makes this posible and blunts the hefty social/financial price I pay. For me success is the full and enjoyable use of innate/learned competencies...Hope this helps!

hi rodger, thanks for replying. I'm glad you're finding your way, as a previous post has alluded to sucess is very much a personal matter. I'm not sure where my lies, as a academic it was doing things others said couldn't be - my thesis did that quite succesfully. In the "real world" I thought it was money - but it's not it's achieving "something"- whether that be retiring at 30, earning money, or heading a company I'm not sure. I think it's similar to when I was an academic though - doing something no else has done. Socially i'm living a modern life, I interact with my colleagues in work and my gf out of work... I live in a block og flats where people don't look you in the eye and put their heads down and move on when they see others - I can deal with that - I'm planning to move on somewhere, sometime somehow - I'm just looking hard and working hard to find those "somes". thanks, pete

Pete, the key to networking is quality over quantity. Quality people as well as quality relationships. And you can't build that in a pub or the golf course or when you're feeling sorry for yourself. So don't worry about that one. If you want a quality network, then start by attending business leadership seminars or something similar, basically go to places where people come to learn how to improve themselves. That's the type of person you want to be around. It can inspire you, which is what you need at the moment. I hate pubs. I never go to them, and I wouldn't advise you to either if you want to build a truly quality network. It doesn't mean I'm a social leper. It just means that I'd prefer to have a quality conversation with a person in a place other than a smelly noisy pub. I'd also suggest you look into doing a part-time or executive MBA. Although I haven't done one, I know many people who have built a good network during their MBA programme. The reason I say part-time or executive is because these are the guys you want to network with, people that are still working and probably hold a fairly senior level position in their organisations, or may even run their own firms. You'll get to build relationships with them during workshops, etc. A lot of full-time MBA students are kids with not much work experience. That's not the quality you're looking for, with all due respect to them. You also need to decide what direction you'd like your career to go. If you want to leave your current field of work, then do it. I left IT to work in a field that's got absolutely nothing to do with IT. It just took one quality individual in my small network to see my strengths and realise that I had the potential to succeed him in the organisation he was leading. I also suggest that you find a mentor. Don't confuse a mentor with a coach. A coach teaches you how to do a job. A mentor teaches you about the life of business and teaches you how to direct your own life as well. You'll only be able to find a mentor by building quality relationship with quality people. I'm glad you can admit that you let your feelings dictate your life. It says to me that you have the ability to seperate yourself from all that. If you weren't able to, then it would affect your personal relationships badly. And your first would be the one with your girlfriend. Regardless of what feminists say, a woman needs her man to be stable.

hi ratpack - thanks replying. you genuinly seem to have been in my position in your life - You're advice is eerily spot on. I am think about leaving IT and I have recently made steps towards the UN in NY it didn't work out - but the objective was and is there. Money dictates that I'm unable to do an MBA at present, but I'll definitly be looking for 'more' business leadrship courses - although it's a bit of a minefield as there are lots out there where someone stands on a stage and speaks for 2hrs, but says nothing - I've tried them, the people are also not really in business just wanting to get in. Any recommendations on good seminars from anyone would be appreciated. A mentor is actually something I've found myself wanting for about 5-6 years now, I've thought a few times I might be on the right lines, only to find out that people can often talk the talk, but can not, or never have walked the walk. Thanks for taking the time ratpack and if you have any other advice I'm open to it, Thanks. Pete.

Pete, I am feeling the same sort of thing mate and have had a wierd time over thelast year or two. Basically I fitted the same sort of mould as yourself ( as far as I can establish) in the sense that I worked silly hard, had parents that did the same for little reward and after a string of straight A's and degree's etc..skipped off to be an accountant. I resigned within four months as it was the most boring existence I could have possibly imagined.Now at 22, I found myself clueless to career paths, where to live, what sort of lifestyle do I want etc..career vs. work/life balance questions whilst my academically challenged mates from school settled into their vocations happy as larry with no real ambition but completely content with their lives.Depspite me maybe having a few years on you, it took going to a few conferences on neuro-linguistic programming and cognitive behavioural analysis to realise that maybe I'd accomplished sounds academics because I seeked an achievement rush, rather than actually wanting to do the work. That was the basis of my attempt at becoming an accountant. But taking a bit of time has helped prioritise things and despite my lack of direction at present, I'm starting a grad role for a leading consultancy next year and by keeping an open mind have a more open mentality to potential opportunitites. I still have drive and ambition in bucket loads but I'm letting myself 'fall' into things rather than forcing them.I'd advise looking into the above techniques. My first seminar was titled, 'What do we really want?' and was awesome. Good luck

Pete, why don't you send me a copy of your CV to see whether it's up to scratch. I know you said you had a professional create it, but it won't hurt to get a second opinion. E-mail me at ratpackster@gmail.com.

Another thing, feel free to delete all you personal info, eg. name and contact details before sending it. I just want to see if the content is up to scratch.

Hi Grad - thanks for replying. You're story sounds similar to mine. As you say though you're a little ahead of me and have found some sort of route for yourself - I'm glad to see there's a light at the end of the tunnel. The seminar 'route' is definitely something I'll be doing - where did u find out about the ones you've attened? I also think that you're right in saying its the achievment rush that is what I/you are seeking - actually putting that in words helps to clarify things. It's good to see that you're still able to say you have a lot of drive and ambition as many people I know have just given up. Hope it all works out for you . Pete

Hi Ratpack - Your offer is appreciated and I've sent it along, to ensure that you don't get flooded with emails, my email is a circular sqare with the same server as yours. It looks like you work the same hours as me - assuming you're in the UK that is. Thanks Pete

Just responded to your e-mail. Now I've got to get back to work. Cheers.

Look man, you've had some good positive advice on here. For a blsnced picture, I'm now going to tell you to go into the bathroom,hut the door, look in the mirror and give yourself a good talking to. Your salary is absolutely dreadful for your age. Someone is taking the p1ss out of you. But you've let them. You have spectacularly underachieved for your age, qualifications and ability.BUT it is far from too late. It might be if you leave it another couple of years though. Have a good think on what you could do - it doesn't hurt to have a good look through the jobs in The Times of the Torygraph and have a bit of a "job chess" daydream - what sort of things you see interest you, but are not suitable for you at this stage in your career? Start having some thoughts of one step ahead - and what could you do to get there?I might be able to point you towards some seminars.

Hi Rg - thanks for the reply. Thanks for being straight - many people I've spoken to are not - the replies here are much better. I've had the talk with my self and the posts here are part of getting it together. If you could help out on seminar recommendations it would be appreciated. Changing out of IT is one of the things I'm aming to do but everyone wants experience in the field you try to enter - there is always someone who has the qualifications and experience; don't take that as me being put off though I'm still trying. Do you have any adviceon how to get a foot in teh door? at the moment I've not even getting interviews or replies to applications. As for interests... many were burned out of me during my PhD, I'm an avid snowboarder and sports-climber. As for teh dreams I'd like to be a "trouble shooter" I can see ways through situations that people inside can't, I'd like to work for the UN or an airline, something international that gave me the chance to travel - rather than confernce calls. Pin pointing that job is difficult however and the ones I've found and tried for always want 10 years exprience. BUT I'm trying and will get there. As always the Replies are much appreciated Pete.

Pete, do you mind if I ask how old you are and from which institution you gained your qualifications from?

Hey Anon - thanks for posting. I guess there's a few reasons as to why you need that info, forgive me if some of them sound a little self important but I need to be aware of it in my position with the other posted in this discussion: 1. you need to know not to make the same mistakes as me; 2. You want to understand why I'm havng the problems (although you make no claims as to this); 3. you want to try and identify me (see above); So I'm in my late twenties and went to a middleing/good redbrick for my ug/masters and went to 'the' university that topped the research charts for my subject to do a Phd - regretfully snobbery plays a large part in todays world and it being a new-uni closes many doors for me now, don;t get me wrong it hasn't closed them all but there are some that are firmly shut. I have to say that if I had my time over I would NEVER recommend a new uni - despite 'some' of them out classing the redbricks by large amounts in research. I lectured ug's at redbricks during my phd - by request and gave talks at many prestigious conference again some by request. but the business world wants to impress internationally which means naems people know - e.g., the UK ivy league. I can't say I'm bitter about it (any more) but advice has to be given honestly and I've been in situatins where I am able to give knowledgeable comments. where I can give thanks for the post anon, hope it helps - Pete.

I was partly curious, but more importantly I wanted to know as it may have a good alumni set up which may be an avenue for you to explore or network for opportunities. Regards

Hi Anon - Thanks for the reply, yes it's a fair point and one I had explored - but for reasons outlined my previous post it's not possible. Thnaks for you efforts - Pete.

Pete - I too have my first degree from a 'new' uni, i.e. an ex poly, and additionally an MBA from the OU. In themselves, both cracking qualifications, but hardly from institutions that would qualify as 'Ivy league' I'm sure you will agree. However my point is that in reality, no matter what job/career path you may want to apply for or follow, the qualification comes first, the institution second. However even more important than these are your tangible and intangible qualities, how you present yourself (both in person and on a CV), how you come over when meeting people or at interview, your broad life skills etc etc. Experience also counts for a lot beyond a certain age/number of years post education. I guess my overall point is that you should consider yourself as a 'package', this package consists of your personality, job experience, academic qualifications, personal presentation etc; and if this package is 'right' for a position/role/job then you'll be in with a fair shout regardless of whether or not your phd comes from a redbrick inst or not. Sure, there are some snobs out there, but the majority of people are not like this. Lastly, I think the previous posts about going to seminars etc is great advice - as is possibly doing an MBA (but do it cos you want to learn, not solely in hope of a better job) - join AMBA and go to their meetings all round the country - go to other executive education courses if you cant or wont do a full MBA - do whatever, but the with the right attitude, you should be able to start down some road you think will help or improve your frame of mind....

Hi D - thanks for posting. I agree that it is a package you sell and not individual components - and thats exactly how I do it (now). I've previuosly had some rough times job hunting - as we all half! I'll definitely take a look at the AMBA - money stops me taking one - at the monment but that will change and I'll look at doing one in a little while. Seminars is big on my list and I'm looking for appropriate ones. Thanks for posting D - Pete

Hey Pete, After a week I've come back and read all the comments....You are clearly smart and know you have an excellent skill set...Are you trying to fit into a professional/societal template made by non-thinkers?...I guess I am saying "be yourself" and look for like-minded interaction that will lead to an environment that accommodates who you are...I fear you might wake up one day aged 60 and ask: "who am I living my life for...?"

Hi Roger - thanks for posting after going away. You're absolutly right. I'm doing sone deep thinking at the momnent and trying to find out exactly what I want out of a career and life. This website says that consultant are in demand at the moment - but do I really want to join another place that will effectively be, just a change of location? - I really want to work abroad at least the culture will change, but getting visas is difficult. I just don't know - many people I know enjoy their jobs - love doing them even. I think thats the position I want to be in, it's going to be a long road; but now I've started on it, I'll get there - it's just a shame there's no map! Thanks for posting rodger.

Maps are boring....Do you best, set objectives you like, surrender to what happens ...set new objectives....Go easy on yourself...this is called living...e-mnail me at staycool@look.ca if you ever need a sounding board....